First off let me start by saying I'd like to be more active in the community, hopefully by next week, but anything can happen. I've had many yearsto both grow and think, yet I only become more puzzled as time shoots by me. Aspirations slipping through my fingers and feelings latching on to the front of my brain. I started my beautiful adventure here in like a child watches their first porn and moves on to their first snuff flick and then to their first time orgasming in evil ignorant delight in the same night. God complex as everything I know is truth. Instead of ramblings with too many thoughts and hidden interpretations, it was short sentences with no thought just blatant simple emotion. I am very much inept and stupid yet at the same time better than everyone because of the one thing I actually have no one else does, my perception. It no longer is straightforward, but a convoluted maze of trickery. As some would in fact say I am better and more tolerable others would also state I am failing miserably at being alive and having a functioning head. Certain quirks left and then a mass amount of them came on top of me to replace them. Luckily suppression was a trick I was somewhat able to use. Something will make itself very clear by time you've read all this. Maybe not anything I specifically intended though. I both fear death and bring it on willingly in excited anticipation. Are we better or differently the same or worse? I can not tell anymore wether Im deteriorating or healing. The reason for me blabbing about myself so intimately is for reasons of mostly understanding. I plan on trying to do something with some of you. Expressing ourselves or just fucking off. Why would you wish to associate with someone you dont understand? I believe by having a feeling of understanding as well as not completely understanding is important. A sense of euphoria. Partake in this guilty pleasure. I am not crazed just lost and willing if you will. If it sounds mysterious it is only a matter of me not being able to accurately portray myself or my thoughts as they simply get tangled in giant knots stretching miles long. So if it makes you feel comfortable, be naked and paint over your genitals. Nobody has to actually know you know you. Connection is built upon something someone sees in themself anyway.