This may be the last time, I'm afraid. If I come back it won't be for awhile. If I never do it was nice while it lasted. I'm not sure I can make it through this. People post so others aren't worried, this is just so you no longer wonder to the few that do. Maybe one last thing may come from me, a send off of sorts. Maybe. There's so much I wanted to do, but that's always how it is. I hope the few who think of me do so fondly, it's all I have. I hope to come back but I can't promise anything. Im not good with goodbyes, or possible ones at that. I've always been an open mystery. I've struggled against a lot in my life for how young I am. Some things are just inescapable. I cant pretend I was important for anything, but I do appreciate the time I've spent being a part of NG and the community and what little I've contributed to it. I've been here since I was maybe 8. Life has a good way of dissolving. I can't think of anything else to say without incoherent rambling.

It's okay, anything can happen.

-With warm love,

MD

Be your own, nerd

My whole life it seemed as if there were two walls closing in on me. Inevitably a day would come where they would squish me. My pleas would fail to stop them slowly inching their way towards my flesh. Pleas become an echo to myself reminding me that the walls both can not hear me and do not care. While I have been blind being preoccupied tormented by these two walls, I failed to notice anything else. I have sunken to the depths, surely this is the absolute of suffocation. But to be reminded there is no room with two walls, just too late of being able to escape, is both a though and feeling I have learned. Is there a way to sink into the floor? Is there a floor? What about what is above me? When it begins to press against my toes might I find a way to climb out or will it be too late entirely? Or will I realize the ceiling above?

I want to be the dirt that surrounds you. Trample me and scrape me off your feet. Shake me out of your boots. I like it a lot.

Im in love with the feelings I get when I should be absolutely horrified or in complete denial. The feeling of being a kitten getting declawed and shredded by the dog. It wasnt a fair fight and I love that excuse.

I feel a lot of nothing and my head cant take it. You do me a bigger favor than the disservice you believed you had done. I think I just need the excuses to excuse my own intrusive thoughts and my actions. Either way, I only feel alive when I gut myself, but I dont have enough energy to be the only one doing so. Nor the mental barricade to excuse what I would do to myself if everyone else did not join in.

Anyway, Im not feeling sad. Im just feeling antsy.

Is what I think every time someone chooses to play without me.

Life was seemingly going uphill but it is now at its lowest. Crash and burn! Thanks for tuning in

https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/project/1696930 by Bucko91. Where will this bean go...?

battle cry!

Reminder to sleep it off if you feel like shit. It usually works but I cant seem to remember to do that lol.

I'll tell you what, I'm going to do a face reveal if I and when I find my own happiness. I think a smile is worthy of sharing. :)

(no one cares about this)