You ever get like really pissed about what you did when you were younger? Dont. Laugh it off and let other people laugh at it too. Disabilities are funny when theyre your own.

Last year is this year, continuously. Relaying the same week, the same however many moments, until the fire just puts itself out. Happy New Year everyone.

Anywhoooo, I miss having people PM me, there used to be a real personal level here. Admittedly 8 years ago I was less than bright and even less than charming. A fucking shame all the cool people were left behind, never to be blessed with my arrogance. Seriously though PM this stranger, the only one that even knows my name here anymore is Skully. You all just wait! I don't know for what but there's a chance something cool could happen.

Hello, howdy, hey, hi, bowwow

Happy late Madness Day! Okay now that that's covered onto some heavier stuff.

I'm in a daze wondering how everyone copes with their mental illnesses. I may not seem that bothered by mine, or perhaps I do, but mine is crippling and something that I just can not seem to overcome. With a plethora of drawbacks, I'd say larger than most, this is a hill I can not even attempt to climb anymore. I know I am not popular here, but I still frequent the NG chat on occasion for them to bestow upon me some wisdom. Funnily enough I come here to talk to smart people, not that I am one of them. I am just really curious how everyone else deals with their shit and how I can't seem to deal with mine. I've taken many breaks from everything under the bright and cheery sun, in an attempt to find a way to deal with this mess that is my life, yet I never come even halfway on top. It's not the prettiest thing to see, some bloke complaining, but fuck I have tried everything. It seems a better me is not humanly possible, much to the dismay of me and others. This is something I have been dealing with for about 6 years or so, it ain't new and it sure as hell is not being managed at all. I am going crazy. Anxiety and depression seem like both a common and easy task to overcome, but that combined with other parts of me is hell on Earth. The Jake that frequented Ng about 8 years or so ago is dead! Dead I say. The one that took his place is a different kind of dead and maybe not that much of an important asset to lose, but hey, what can ye do? Now I've been trying to maintain a respectful tone in all of this, but I am really at my wits end. What in the absolute hell do I do, and what have you all done to combat yours?

Dont smoke, it's like super badass, but eventually I'm going to die from it, like way sooner than you. Glorified cancer, glorified death, glorified misery, and glorified bad habits. Rock on kiddos, but safely. Wear some goggles or something.

I like writing, maybe some stupid shit that only I can understand every once in a while, or more often, but I mainly like writing when it's just essentially text to other people. I have a huge problem though, that maybe a few people can relate with, I'm a terrible people person, that being I have no clue what I should ever say. I've spoken to hundreds of people throughout my life, whether through text or through voice with practically the sole reason of doing so, is being accepted or liked enough for people to give two shits about me. I understand everyone wants to be liked, even if they don't explicitly say so. Some people don't try others just do. The hard part about being liked, is having something that differentiates yourself from others, in a memorable yet often good way. I wasted my young years being a shut in that practiced nothing others would consider interesting, now with even less reason to try anymore. What would make me a person not only others would like, but I would like as well? Something that I can do? The anonymity is my best course of action. It's getting harder to blame my waste of life on something like mental illness. Things fade, or you learn how to deal with them. I haven't seen much progress in anything. There's people who accomplish a lot in a few years or at least a few things throughout their life. Even with me not being dead yet, I worry I will never amount to even as little as "interesting" or had a good head on him. It's funny when you look back at peoples lives who have suffered through the same as I and they put that into something like music, art, or something else. My biggest problem wasn't that I slept all the time, never went out, it's the fact that every waking moment I spent felt like Hell, so I always was in my mind either conjuring up a better future for myself, or facing the cold embrace of death. I put no future into my hands, considering it to be a waste of time for me, chalking it all up to luck. "If I had this, I could do this, or life would be better." That sort of thing. I could say I pretended to be someone for so long I never got a chance to be me, but to be honest with you, even if that were sometimes true, I was me without the me part ever showing up. Or perhaps I have always been dull and empty. Though I doubt this was true when I was younger. For the longest time I was taking medications to make me happy, they never worked obviously. So now I'm wondering if it is really their fault and not my own. If they did what they were supposed to and I was left miserable by my own hands regardless. As if mental illness was the excuse for all my problems, but would you really give such an excuse to a murderer? At some point the problems are just yours. So here I am, not a skill in the world, not much I enjoy doing, and not much been done. I once called it a multitude of things. One would call something depression while the other called it laziness. It's incredibly easy to think that I can change and start doing, but every time I think about that, it's just a daydream to me.

Have the decency to help yourself. And in every possible way I can, but in every possible way it also feels like I absolutely, can not. That's probably just another excuse now though, isn't it?

They take a cozy job in American politics. Nah, but seriously, even idiots gotta keep going. One fuck up after another and maybe eventually you'll do something that brings favor to you? I'm not that smart, but I'm doing the best a dumbshit like me can do. I will (hard maybe) gain favor among Newgrounds eventually. XoXoXo. P.S. All my friends are dead. :(

Should be my last community post for awhile. I got some free time so I want to do a couple things that time and my resources allow. Fuck if I can actually pull any of it off.

First off let me start by saying I'd like to be more active in the community, hopefully by next week, but anything can happen. I've had many yearsto both grow and think, yet I only become more puzzled as time shoots by me. Aspirations slipping through my fingers and feelings latching on to the front of my brain. I started my beautiful adventure here in like a child watches their first porn and moves on to their first snuff flick and then to their first time orgasming in evil ignorant delight in the same night. God complex as everything I know is truth. Instead of ramblings with too many thoughts and hidden interpretations, it was short sentences with no thought just blatant simple emotion. I am very much inept and stupid yet at the same time better than everyone because of the one thing I actually have no one else does, my perception. It no longer is straightforward, but a convoluted maze of trickery. As some would in fact say I am better and more tolerable others would also state I am failing miserably at being alive and having a functioning head. Certain quirks left and then a mass amount of them came on top of me to replace them. Luckily suppression was a trick I was somewhat able to use. Something will make itself very clear by time you've read all this. Maybe not anything I specifically intended though. I both fear death and bring it on willingly in excited anticipation. Are we better or differently the same or worse? I can not tell anymore wether Im deteriorating or healing. The reason for me blabbing about myself so intimately is for reasons of mostly understanding. I plan on trying to do something with some of you. Expressing ourselves or just fucking off. Why would you wish to associate with someone you dont understand? I believe by having a feeling of understanding as well as not completely understanding is important. A sense of euphoria. Partake in this guilty pleasure. I am not crazed just lost and willing if you will. If it sounds mysterious it is only a matter of me not being able to accurately portray myself or my thoughts as they simply get tangled in giant knots stretching miles long. So if it makes you feel comfortable, be naked and paint over your genitals. Nobody has to actually know you know you. Connection is built upon something someone sees in themself anyway.